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Worn down

Not really feeling too great today. Haven't over stepped my caloric intake, got 30 minutes+ of exercise. But I still feel like crud.
I think I need to overhaul my food. I know I'm not eating junk food. I know I'm not stuffing myself on one particular type of food ... but something is still not right.
I'm looking into the Whole30 program.
Maybe if I'm lucky- I'll find some answers.

Making Promises

I always tell the people around me that I don't want them making me any promises. I say, "No one keeps their promises. So don't promise me something you don't intend to fulfill." For the longest time I thought this was an issue I had from childhood. I just chalked it up to the already long list of whackadoo issues stemming from that era. Recently though, I've gained a new perspective.
I was never good at keeping promises. I'm always late. My reliability factor is pretty low. This whole time I've blamed missed birthdays and missing parents to my hatred for promises. Teenage whispers of soul bound friendship and love everlasting providing no help either. Now though, now I've come to see the truth.
I've never had a very firm grasp of who I am. Fleeting interests come and go with the seasons. I never wanted to be still for very long, change was always a good friend of mine. Now I am married. I am a mother. Sometimes I believe I sit in the same spot for days because I have trouble recalling the time, the day ... the month. The past seven years have been a long glaring look into the mirror. Most of what I see stuns me. Some confirming things I have known to be true for what seems like ages. This mirror, it makes me what to run away. Perhaps that is why I've moved with my family nearly fourteen times in the last seven years. But of all the things I can run from, I cannot run from myself.
Revelations with the mirror happen seldom. I have to take them when I can, and apply them quickly like a cool compress to a fevered brow. Perhaps acceptance can take away some of the sting of the past.

I don't want anyone's promises because I cannot offer them in return. I don't trust them to be kept because I cannot keep my own. A promise is a fickle ephemeral ember in the darkness that fades into nothingness come morning's light.

At least ... my promises are.

Almost a year since the last post

I find myself afraid to write. I want to write short stories and everyday I look at websites devoted to writers, asking them to submit their stories. This is what I've wanted to do my whole life. Write and Sing.

So why can't I do either?

What the hell has happened to me?

Writer's Block: Band on the run

Which song associated with musician Paul McCartney is your favorite, and why?

'Maybe I'm amazed' and 'Hey Jude' are a damn close tie. Something about both of the songs really make me feel... just- feel.

Ups and Downs of BiPolar Disorder

I never believed I had this issue...

It was always- BPD... MDD... Depression... but these episodes... I'm trying to find a way to handle.. but the downs keep getting worse... the thoughts keep... getting worse.

I'm lost.
If you woke up surrounded by doctors who told you that you'd been in a medical experiment since birth and that your entire life had been a dream, how do you think you'd react?

I'd shoot myself in the head.
Jeremy and I have to leave student housing and we have found a nice home, in a nice area that will accommodate us very well and allow our munchkins to attend decent schools.

We are trying to raise $7,500.00 for our total cost to move. The we've currently raised $1200.00.
Jeremy just put out an art catalog with pieces ranging in price from $25.00 - $300.00- and we're hoping that it will be a big help in our goal. Considering we need to be out by the 3rd of May, we've got our fingers tightly crossed.

If anyone could take a peek at the catalog, or simply re-post the link to the catalog, I would be very grateful.


Thanks guys,


Win $2500 by downloading our book!!

For those I didn't bombard with the news months ago- Jeremy and I put out a comic book called 'Fearsome As The Night'. First we self published it and took it to Detroit Fanfare, then we decided to make a digital copy. Our hardcopy was $5, our Digi copy is $2- and we've had a hard time really promoting it.

Well I think we figured it out. Everyone likes to get something for giving something... and everyone likes to win. So here's the case- We want to hit a goal of 10,000 digital copies sold within 30 days. The 10,000th person to download/buy our book will win a prize... a 2,500 dollar prize.

Any feedback guys? Do you think it will work?

We're looking at posting a Youtube video for it and maybe making a small site to promote the 30 day countdown.

Thanks for any ideas/feedback- much appreciated!

Dear GOP - the collective you are an Idiot

Originally posted by ladyqkat at Dear GOP - the collective you are an Idiot
(Post originally seen in this post by [info]ramblin_phyl. I have been notified that it was originally posted by [info]suricattus in her journal post. The story and words are hers, but I do believe that it needs to go viral and that as many people as possible need to get their stories out there. Only by making a noise about this can we make a change in our society.)

There is a move afoot in the nation -driven by the GOP - to repeal the new health care laws, to protect corporate interests, to defend against fear-mongering (and stupid) cries of "socialism!", and to ensure that people are forced to choose between keeping a roof over their heads or getting necessary health care.

This movement is killing people.

Think I'm overstating the fact?

Ask the friends and family of writer/reviewer Melissa Mia Hall, who died of a heart attack last week because she was so terrified of medical bills, she didn't go see a doctor who could have saved her life.

From another writer friend: One person. Not the only one. That could have been me. Yeah, I have access to insurance -- I live in New York City, which is freelancer-friendly, and have access to freelancer advocacy groups. Through them, I can pay over $400/month ($5,760/year) as a single, healthy woman, so that if I go to the hospital I'm not driven to bankruptcy. But a doctor's appointment - a routine physical - can still cost me several hundred dollars each visit. So unless something's terribly wrong? I won't go.

My husband worked for the government for 30 years. We have government employee (retired) insurance. It is the only thing of value he took away from that job. His pension is pitiful. He still works part time. My writing income has diminished drastically. Our combined income is now less than what it was before T retired fifteen years ago. Inflation has diminished it further. In the last 30 days I have racked up over $8000 in medical bills for tests and the beginning of treatment. Our co-pay is 20% after the deductible. And there is more to come. Our savings are already gone. I have the gold standard of insurance and I still can't pay all the medical bills.

Another friend lost her insurance when her husband lost his job. She couldn't afford medication and ended up bed ridden for three months at the end of over a year of no job and therefore no insurance until he found work again.

It's our responsibility. All of us, together. As a nation.

EtA: Nobody is trying to put insurance companies out of business. They will always be able to offer a better plan for a premium. We simply want to ensure that every citizen - from infant to senior citizen - doesn't have to choose between medical care, and keeping a roof over their heads, or having enough to eat.

We're trying to get this to go viral. Pass it along.

I'm going to post my story as the first comment to this post if anyone would like to read it. If anyone wants to tell their story, please tell it on your own journal and post a link in the comments. Maybe, just maybe, TPTB will listen to the slaves peons who clean their toilets before they have to clean their own.

One of those nights

I don't want to be a fat ass anymore.

I would rather be dead.

I'm having trouble functioning...

I just need to make it past February.